I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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