Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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