you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
