I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
