:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
