dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
