I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
