Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
