I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize