Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
