i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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