the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
