Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
