id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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