I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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