this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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