do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
