I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
