between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
