I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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