I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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