Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
