So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
