I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
