im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
