I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
