we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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