That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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