Whod you bang
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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