I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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