They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
