i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
