then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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