Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
