somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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