I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
