and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
