Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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