i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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