Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
