I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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