I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
