Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
