saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
