Your dad touched me again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
