Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
