Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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