Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
