Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
