I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
