my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
