dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
