I'm so fucking centered right now
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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