I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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