how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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