Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize