I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize