u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
