how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
