I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
