I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
