I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
