she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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