and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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