I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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