wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
