What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
